My friend A and I have been friends since we were five years old.  We first met in Kindergarten, and through the years and thick and thin, we have remained friends.  A's and her husband R came over on Saturday and we played some games and ordered a pizza. It was a lot of fun.  A and R are swingers, which makes me nervous around my husband, because I don't want him to get pissed at me.  The four of us had a great time playing cards and board games. It was a lot of fun. I can't remember when I had so much fun last.  I don't remember when I've had that much fun with my husband last.  Anyways, it truly made me happy.  It's too bad that they live an hour away.  But an hour isn't so bad as long as I have gas money.
We are so broke.  The last two months for us have been financial ruins.  In January and February we weren't able to make enough to cover our bills, in February we weren't able to make half of what we needed to cover our bills. So until the end of this week, we have to live on $100. I hope that we can make it, and that nothing bad happens.  I am really tired of being this poor. I wish I knew a way to make  money that could help us out.  We recently switched banks, and our old bank has a negative $200 balance in it right now and is growing.  There is just nothing we can do about that right now.  I get my unemployment check on Friday.  So maybe that will make a little bit of difference right now. I just have to wait it out. Fortunately, we have enough food supplies here for food for one week.
It sucks that I went to college and graduated and can't find work for shit right now.  My unemployment pays just over $1300 a month after taxes, which isn't so horrible if I think of what it would cost to work. Daycare in our area is just over $800 a month. That means that I would have to make $2100 after taxes to make everything work.  But then that doesn't include extras like gas to drive to work and back and other expenses that are with working. I would have to make at least 35k to 40k to make it worth it to go back to work. This is completely possible. 
I don't have it in my heart anymore to do sales. Sales people are always the first to go when times get tight.  Sales people are the employees that take more shit than anyone.  That and buyers are liars. People lie so much just to get a discount. I hate it.  I think being a drugs dealer might even be the highest form of sales, because at least with dealing drugs, you can set the price and people just take it, and you know all the risks up front.   I don't know. For me, when I am a sales person I feel like I'm selling my soul. The last product I sold were cheap POS laser machines from China. Ninety percent of them came in broken. They all had to be fixed. Customers would complain that they couldn't get their machines after paying large sums of money.  I had a hard time selling these pieces of shit.  They broke, our company was not reliable. You couldn't get tech support because the people that were doing tech support were also doing ten other jobs at the same time.   People would lie.  It just makes me sick. It really at the end made me sick to see a company sell pieces of shit, and for a company that treated their employees like shit too. 
I was accepted for a job as an environmental educator at a local nature center, the only problem is that they could only pay me $10.50 an hour since they were a non profit organization. I would love to do that, but truthfully at the pay rate, I would end up losing way more money than anything. I would have so loved to do that though.
Last night, I thought I had a drug flash back from back in college. I don't know if it were  a real drug flashback, or if my body was just not used to feeling happy. It's kind of like how the Grinch that stole Christmas's heart grew a few sizes. Either way, I had to lay down because I started to feel like I was going to freak out a little bit.  I just had to go to sleep.
When I woke up this morning, I had to pay for my pre-pay cell phone service, but I hadn't set up my bank account right, so I had to take a trip down to the bank to fix somethings so I could access all of my accounts. I got it all straightened out.  Thank goodness. 
I called my mother on the way back from paying my phone bill, my father is still in Mexico on vacation with his man friends.  I wanted to her to come over to visit us and stay for dinner, but she is afraid that her car won't make it out here.  My mother can be quite a timid woman at times.  I don't doubt that she could have car problems, but I think that I am just simply a horse of a different color. 
I'm still trying to formulate what my 5 year plan should be.  I would like to open my own restaurant some days. I love cooking and have saved up around 100 of my favorite recipes.  Some of these recipes are bomb too!  I don't know if I would like to go to cooking school or what. My heart is torn.  My real love and passion is the environment.  However, I don't think that there is really any money that you can make in the environment, unless I become a professor. But then again, my husband does not want to move away from his family, which makes graduate school impossible basically.
I am still figuring it out. Hopefully, I can get it all figured out by the end of the next couple months. I think that it would interesting to become a midwife as well. I would love to deliver little babies. There is a correspondence and internship program that I can do. It costs around $3000 and around 3 years to do it.  My problem is that I have no idea what I want to do, or should do. I just feel kind of lost about the whole future thing. I want to learn how to enjoy the present kind of before I figure out what I want to to do in the future. Or does it simply  not work out that way? Is it really a case here of what came first the chicken or the egg? 
My husband is working late tonight. My little man and are going to go out and go for a walk, if the weather holds like I want it to. It has been a mighty long winter for me.  We had two days of weather in the 40's and it completely ruined me after that two days when we received a snow storm for the entire week after that. I don't think I have the mental capacity to live in a wild white climate like I do. I guess that is too bad though.
I guess if I have to sum up the past couple days, I would have to say that I am very thankful that my friends came to visit me.  I am happy that I do feel some serotonin. I am sad that I am broke. I guess the next step that I need to figure out is even a one year plan of where I want to be.  Maybe if I can just take a baby step and project into one year, then I can try to project into two or three years even. :)
According to blogger stats no one reads this, but in case someone does, I just hope that you can say a prayer for me.