I've been really having a hard time lately and I now know the cause of it. It's that I really like I'm being torn apart. I have been unemployed for just over 6 months now, I have been really beating the internet pavement looking for jobs. This really causes some inner turmoil for me. It's all because of my love of my son. I have absolutely loved and enjoyed being with him, and it makes me so sad to have to go back to work. Now, I am so sad because I know that every week could potentially be my last week with him. It is almost heartbreaking. However, the flip side to this is that I have been applying for jobs for 6 months, without any real job coming my way. That means all of this inner turmoil is really for nothing. It is very difficult. I love my son more than anything in this world, yet I need a job.
The good way to think about it is now he is potty trained. That means cheaper daycare, and I can now enroll him in an all day preschool. This will save us a ton of money! Truthfully, no matter how hard it has been being unemployed, I would not have given up this past 6 months for anything. I feel so incredibly blessed to be this handsome little man's mother. It is by far my favorite title in the world, Mommy.
Truthfully, I can say that I didn't really know what real true love was until I had my son, but now when I look in his deep blue eyes and see that sparkle of happiness and love, nothing in this world can deny that.
My husband and I have been trying to have another baby for the past 8 months, and nothing has really happened. I had two miscarriages, but both were in the first 7 weeks, which I don't know really counts or not. I would love nothing more than to grow our family and hold our little babies in my arms. I wouldn't even care if it wasn't mine biologically. I don't care if its just someone else baby that needs someone to look after it. Nothing would give me greater joy than to give life to life.
I would love to be a foster mother. The only thing is that right now we live in a two bedroom apartment. Three people and two cats is way more life than any two bedroom apartment should hold. I really want to get a house or a condo even if it is just for the fact to have another child or a foster child. My heart is so full of love and I want to share it with any little person that might want it.
I have been working on my samples for my online store. I have a shirt made and am working on a pair of high waisted linen shorts. It is really occurring to me that a lot of my stuff is going to look like it came from American Apparel. lol. Of course, they are my altered patterns and designs, but I am thinking that it fits in the same niche of clothing. Which, I am good with because it gives me a window for an effective price point and a closer look on how to market my store.
I am a woman of few words the past couple of days. Here are the things that I am thankful for (in no particular order) :
1. My sewing machine
2. My hard working husband
3. My sweet baby boy
4. My kitties
5. My family
6. My friends
7. The money in the bank
8. The food on the table
9. A place to live
10. The overflowing happiness in my life
11. To be a mother
12. To share my life with other people
13. For my ability to wear my heart on my sleeve
14. For those who have touched my life
15. For my car
16. For my instrument and music
17. For this computer and my phone
18. For being in love
19. For having so many blessing in my life
20. For my family's happiness
21. That I only had two spelling errors when I typed it up.
God bless! And if you read this, please say a prayer for my family
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